Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Dear Blogland, I Miss You

Since Benjamin was born I feel like I've been kind of absent from the blogging world. I know that I've managed to keep up ok with the blog, to be honest, I've kept up a lot better than I expected to, but I just feel that, especially in recent weeks, I've not really been all there while writing my posts and I feel like the blog is suffering a little for it. Like it's not been as 'me' as usual. I don't feel guilty about it - this blog has never and will never be a source of guilt or of pressure for me, but it is a place to vent, to talk, to submerge myself in the things that I love and I feel sad that I've not been doing that as much recently.

I think the problem is that since I've been at home with the baby I'm obviously not working and so my life is kind of empty but also really full at the same time. It's really difficult to explain. Obviously it's full of mum stuff and spending time with my little (5 months old last week!) boy who is just awesome and it's so great to spend time with him despite how challenging it sometimes is, but also I tend to jump from thing to thing, so although I'm not working I am doing the following:

  • I am on a kick (yes, a kick!) of self-sufficiency type books - I'm currently reading The River cottage Cook Book, The Self Sufficiency Bible, and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver while growing salad on my windowsill and searching for a house with a big garden so we can rescue some battery hens. Also jumping between several other books (The Beautiful and Damned, A Cat, a Hat, and a Piece of String by Joanne Harris and (still!!) The Library Book!).It's like my ability to focus on one thing has gone out the window and I need to jump from thing to thing to feel like I'm accomplishing anything. This leads to me actually achieving less and feeling like I need to do more to achieve and so on. Viscious circle. 
  • I have rediscovered NetGalley and I am loving it, especially for aforementioned self-sufficiency type books and knitting books, because I can read them in short bursts and so my eyes don't do that 'I hate you please die' thing that they used to do when I tried to read graphic novels on my PC...So I'm reading another two books on the laptop...
  • I am stealing the Book Jar idea from Laura (and others) just because it sounds like fun. And because I need more projects. Obviously.
  • I recently decided that baking all our own bread would be cheaper and more fun. It is, but my arms hurt. 
  • I've taken Ellie's advice and started working on several reviews at once, which is suiting my frazzled brain brilliantly! I'm working on one of Wild by Cheryl Strayed and also Cleaving by Julie Powell. Hopefully both of these will get done this week!
  • I started my Coursera course on the Ancient Greeks yesterday and it's already great :-) 
  • I'm knitting like fury trying to get some mobiles finished for my Etsy shop. Obviously as I'm doing so many other things at the moment, not much is actually getting finished and thus there is wool all over the house.
  • Organising Benji's baptism and associated party (he's being baptised at Easter in the middle of the night cos my family's weird, and we're having the party a few weeks later and I'm trying to coordinate dates as another family baby is also being baptised a few weeks later and so I have to check that the people who are going to that aren't the same people we want to invite to our party and urgh. Family politics.)
  • Feeling guilty about not having trained at all (and I mean at all) for the 10k for the National Literacy Trust at the weekend. I will now be walking it as my only training plan has consisted of walking up hills while eating sweets. :-/ Serious fail. 
Anyway, so the major thing is that I miss being able to immerse myself in the blogging community. I really do miss all you guys - I hate the fact that I always have to comment on posts from my stupid phone while trying to steer the pram one handed, and that half the time I get distracted half way through and never actually send the comment. I also hate that I'm so out of the loop with twitter at the moment - I miss chatting with people and I feel like I always come in on the middle of conversations and/or jump into the middle of other people's conversations! So just to clarify, this is basically a post whining about how my posts are a bit crap :-) Also, I so love being a mum, I guess it's just taking some adjustment!! Plus I wanted you guys to know that although I'm kind of an absentee, I miss you all loads!! Tell me what's been going on with you :-) Also,as you've not had a photo in a while, here's one of Benji in his pj's and shoes, trying to eat his blanket in the car. 


3 comments:

  1. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, baby picture!!! (All I need. For reals.)

    And aw, this post is so sweet and a bit :( and I don't really know what to say other than, like, we're still here! And we still love you! (Going to stop referring to myself in the plural now...) Which I know doesn't really help with the feeling a bit out of the bloggish loop right now, but it'll get better! There've been times when I've felt out of the groove without even having a teeny baby to look after, so I know what it's like. And you'll adjust soon, and like get into habits that feel right to you again, if you know what I mean.

    This is all just stalling so I don't have to tell you that you've missed NOTHING in my life hahaha! Or at least nothing big. :) Love youuuuu x

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  2. My nephew is four months old and my sister isn't doing half of what you are doing, so don't feel bad about being out of the loop.
    I'm always out of the loop on twitter anyway - I'm not allowed on it at work so I'm forever juumping in the middle of conversations!

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  3. Awwww, bebbykins... And AWWWW, BEX! I was actually just thinking the other day how MUCH you're doing, all while looking after the li'l munchkin - you're not giving yourself nearly enough credit!

    Yay for book jars and mobiles and reviews (superb one for WILD, by the way - it's been duly boosted up my library list!) and knitting and reading and self-sufficiency! I think when we move I'd like to step back the "BUT I MUST READ I HAVE SO MANY BOOKS!" ethos and actually participate when it comes to keeping the chickens and growing fruit and vegetables. Good life skills. My dream is to one day live in a prefab or self-built eco-pod type home (y'know, small place, greywater systems and lots of energy efficiency) and spend more time outside instead of sitting on my ass in my room! :D

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